Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
