No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
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you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
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You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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