Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
