i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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