based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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