We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
