Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
