the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
