the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
