You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
