New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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