quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
