he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
