your room smells of hookers.
And success
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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