btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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