Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
