Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
