My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
