is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
