I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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