I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
