The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
