Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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