someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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