I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
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