he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
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I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
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Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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