Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
