community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
