I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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