I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
