it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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