Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
