fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
