Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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