I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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