Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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