oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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