(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
