sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
