____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
