Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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