kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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