This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I cannot find my penis.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
