i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
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I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
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He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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