he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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