1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Im part way to drunk.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
