Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
