just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Why is your signature on my underwear?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
