I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
