He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize