Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
