i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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