My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize