It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
