I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
God, I missed his penis.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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