I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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