well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
