I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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