Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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