He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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